Post by Alex on Sept 4, 2018 0:42:24 GMT -6
Well... I've wanted to rewrite the first story I submitted to User Writings back in 2010 for a while now. It was called Blood of These Paws and it was about a young wolf called Nightshadow and his 'adventures.' It was a mess that got me in trouble on here multiple times haha I think it might have even been the first story I actually wrote myself actually. As a personal challenge, I wanted to rewrite the story while keeping some of the same elements, and do what I can to make it more realistic but still an interesting story. As before, it will be a multi-chapter 'novel' of sorts. I hope to actually complete this one... if I do, it'll be my first real finished story (that is not a one-shot) and that would be pretty sweet.
Critique is always welcome and I will appreciate any feedback.
So, let's get started then!
Nightshade was eager for his first summer. Spring was already nearing its close, with summer looming on the horizon. Soon the fireflies he heard so much about would light up the night. Soon he'd hear the cicadas cry. Soon he'd know the feeling of wading in a creek on a hot summer afternoon. Though he felt at peace on this warm spring night, listening to the chirping of insects and his mother's stories, he couldn't wait for summer to come. He and his four siblings lay with his mother, Snowdrop, under the great oak tree where they had dug their new den. His mother was a beautiful female, with a smooth white coat that somehow still managed to appear elegant even as she was in the middle of shedding her winter fur and still had loose clumps just waiting to be dropped. She told Nightshade and his siblings a fond story from her past, how she set out from her birth pack on her second autumn and the struggles she had faced, her difficulty surviving alone. She told many stories like this, about her youth and her time as a loner, but they never got old in Nightshade's eyes. There was always something new to take from Snowdrop's stories and he found himself learning things about his mother he had never known before.
"...I was very lonely back then. I almost started to regret leaving my pack, but I knew it was too late to go back," Snowdrop said, looking into the horizon, her light yellow eyes distant and wistful. Almost a little sad. "I remember once wandering near the borders of my old pack's territory... my father found me there. To him, I was just another loner." She almost never spoke of her birth pack, besides the occasional tale from her childhood or sometimes mentioning the antics she shared with her siblings. Snowdrop's birthpack was shrouded in mystery and Nightshade's curiosity was always piqued whenever his mother mentioned anything about it.
"If I left when I'm grown, and I come back, would you treat me like a loner?" asked one of Nightshade's brothers, his voice meek and timid.
"Of course not, Bracken. I will always accept you, no matter what. You are my son and I love you very much," she said, leaning into the young pup and licking him on top of his head. The boy shook it off and sat up, a beaming smile on his face. One of the girls crawled to Snowdrop's side and lay next to her, pressing into her flank and brushing against her white fur.
"Well, I'm never leaving you," the girl said. She looked over to Bracken and stuck out her tongue at him. Bracken let out a squeaky growl and ducked down, raising his rump in the air and wiggling it like a cat would, ready to pounce and teach his sister a lesson. Just as he was about to launch himself, Snowdrop chided him.
"Bracken, Laurel. That's enough. It's time to relax so we can get ready for bed, alright?" Bracken looked over at his mother, relaxing his posture and letting his puffed out fur settle. Laurel, too, looked to Snowdrop, then at Bracken. The two pups exchanged glances then silently agreed to keep it down for the rest of the night. After the brief conflict was over with, the five pups all settled somewhere near or on Snowdrop. Nightshade lay close to his mother, his curious smoky gaze wide and intent on his mother.
"I want to hear the rest of the story," he said. A couple of other pups echoed his words, eager as well to hear more.
"Yeah, you never told us how you met dad," said Bracken. More of his siblings yipped in agreement and excitement. Snowdrop shook her head and smiled.
"Alright... I'll finish the story, but after this, it's time for bed," she said. A couple of her pups groaned and whined. It was still early and they weren't tired yet! Why did they have to go to bed so soon after sundown? After a little fussing, they agreed to the little deal and Snowdrop continued with her story.
"Autumn was just getting ready to end and I was still alone. I was starting to think I would have to wait until next autumn to find love and I was worried about how I would make it through the winter alone. It was already the first snow of the year, and I searched the forest for food... I caught the scent of a dead deer and followed it, but by the time I reached it another wolf was already there." The pups perked at this. Another wolf? Who could it possibly be? Snowdrop smiled fondly. "He was strong and had handsome black fur and deep amber eyes... we ended up sharing the deer and getting to know each other, and it turned out he was alone just like I was. So he said—"
"Let's change that," a deeper voice said as a great shadow appeared over the hill. Nightshade immediately hopped up to his paws and ran towards the figure. His father was home! He skidded to a stop in front of his father and bowed playfully before him, his tail wagging furiously. "Hey, kid." The wolf, his father, leaned down to give him a little nudge, then carried on towards Snowdrop. Nightshade trotted after his father.
"You're back early, Inferno," Snowdrop said.
"Was just making sure we had enough marks in place tonight. Didn't run into any trouble, so everything was okay," Inferno said, stretching out his lower body before taking a seat near his mate. He looked over his children, proud to see they were all strong and healthy and managed to survive this far. But it was time for everyone to get their rest, so they had plenty of energy for tomorrow. With Inferno's arrival, the pups begged to stay up just a little longer and so they enjoyed some time with their father before settling inside the den with their mother for the rest of the night.
Nightshade slept soundly and safely, knowing his mother was there to keep him warm and his father just outside to protect their den from any predators.
Nightshade had always been an early riser, waking when it was still dusky outside with just the first hints of morning light crawling over the horizon. The small black pup lightly padded his way out of the den. His mother and siblings were all still asleep. It looked like his older siblings from last year's litter were all sleeping too, as was his father. He was all to himself this morning. The thought put a smile on his face as he trotted towards the cliff and stopped to take a seat, being careful to keep a little distance between him and the edge like his parents always warned him. Watching the pinkish hue of early morning slowly bleed into the blue-black of night over the forest, he felt lucky his parents chose this spot to make their den. He got to enjoy this great view every morning.
Pink hues gave way to pastel blue, and soon the orange light of the sun could be seen illuminating the landscape, shining brightly over all the hills. Even from here, he could see the sunlight sparkling on the river below. Nightshade let out a soft sigh, in awe the same as he was the first time he got to see this. He had been enjoying sunrises since he first crawled out of their old den, but down in the forest, it was nothing compared to what he saw up here.
"Good morning, Nightshade," he heard his mother's voice softly say from behind him. He turned to see Snowdrop, standing just a few wolf's lengths away, her eyes drowsy and fur slightly disheveled from the den. She yawned. "Come. It's time for our morning walk." The word instantly got Nightshade up on his paws. He looked back to the sky for a moment, wishing to stay and watch for just a few seconds longer, but followed her back near the den. Snowdrop gathered the rest of the pups. The rest of the pack began to stir around then, a few of the yearlings already awake and ready to begin their day. It was an easy walk through the surrounding forest. Snowdrop brought the pups across their territory but never took them far from the den. She brought them to a small stream and let the pups play and drink there.
Nightshade waded in the shallow waters, splashing about and enjoying the cool feel of the water against the mid-morning heat. It was getting warmer and warmer each day, he was almost beginning to forget the cool mornings of when he first began crawling out of the den. He dipped down and lapped the cold water, only to immediately jolt up when he heard a series of urgent howls in the distance. Snowdrop perked up as well, ears alert and eyes keen as she stared in the direction of the howl. After a few short seconds, she lifted her head and sent a short call of her own. Then she looked to her pups.
"We need to leave, now," she said, before rushing after the source of the call, her pups following shortly after. Except for Nightshade, who stayed back. There was a strange scent near this stream. One he never smelled before. It didn't smell like a wolf, or deer, or any prey. It instantly drew his curiosity and he couldn't help but want to follow the scent, at least a little. So he did. Nose low to the ground, he shuffled along after the trail, sniffing. The trail led him deeper and deeper into the forest. The scent of his pack grew weak. He passed his father's scent marks without even thinking about it, fixated on the intriguing scent and wanting to figure out exactly what that was.
It felt like he'd been walking for ages when he finally discovered the source of the scent. He hid among the bushes, spotting a strange creature foraging for berries. It looked a bit like one of the bears his father described once, with its shaggy brown coat, stocky figure, drooping lips, and long claws, but it was too small. Nothing like the giant monstrosities Nightshade heard about. This animal wasn't even close to the size of his older brothers and sisters, but it was still bigger than he was. A cub? Maybe? Nightshade watched it tentatively for a few moments. After a bit of observation, he decided it was indeed a bear cub. But then the creature stopped and sniffed loudly, chuffing and snorting as it did. It looked towards the bush Nightshade was hiding in, and he froze.
chapters 1 and 2 were originally one very long chapter, but i split them into two parts. since ch2 is pretty much already written, i'll put it up soon after i finish editing, etc. i hope ch1 isn't too boring or anything, it's just setting things up
Critique is always welcome and I will appreciate any feedback.
So, let's get started then!
Chapter 1
Nightshade was eager for his first summer. Spring was already nearing its close, with summer looming on the horizon. Soon the fireflies he heard so much about would light up the night. Soon he'd hear the cicadas cry. Soon he'd know the feeling of wading in a creek on a hot summer afternoon. Though he felt at peace on this warm spring night, listening to the chirping of insects and his mother's stories, he couldn't wait for summer to come. He and his four siblings lay with his mother, Snowdrop, under the great oak tree where they had dug their new den. His mother was a beautiful female, with a smooth white coat that somehow still managed to appear elegant even as she was in the middle of shedding her winter fur and still had loose clumps just waiting to be dropped. She told Nightshade and his siblings a fond story from her past, how she set out from her birth pack on her second autumn and the struggles she had faced, her difficulty surviving alone. She told many stories like this, about her youth and her time as a loner, but they never got old in Nightshade's eyes. There was always something new to take from Snowdrop's stories and he found himself learning things about his mother he had never known before.
"...I was very lonely back then. I almost started to regret leaving my pack, but I knew it was too late to go back," Snowdrop said, looking into the horizon, her light yellow eyes distant and wistful. Almost a little sad. "I remember once wandering near the borders of my old pack's territory... my father found me there. To him, I was just another loner." She almost never spoke of her birth pack, besides the occasional tale from her childhood or sometimes mentioning the antics she shared with her siblings. Snowdrop's birthpack was shrouded in mystery and Nightshade's curiosity was always piqued whenever his mother mentioned anything about it.
"If I left when I'm grown, and I come back, would you treat me like a loner?" asked one of Nightshade's brothers, his voice meek and timid.
"Of course not, Bracken. I will always accept you, no matter what. You are my son and I love you very much," she said, leaning into the young pup and licking him on top of his head. The boy shook it off and sat up, a beaming smile on his face. One of the girls crawled to Snowdrop's side and lay next to her, pressing into her flank and brushing against her white fur.
"Well, I'm never leaving you," the girl said. She looked over to Bracken and stuck out her tongue at him. Bracken let out a squeaky growl and ducked down, raising his rump in the air and wiggling it like a cat would, ready to pounce and teach his sister a lesson. Just as he was about to launch himself, Snowdrop chided him.
"Bracken, Laurel. That's enough. It's time to relax so we can get ready for bed, alright?" Bracken looked over at his mother, relaxing his posture and letting his puffed out fur settle. Laurel, too, looked to Snowdrop, then at Bracken. The two pups exchanged glances then silently agreed to keep it down for the rest of the night. After the brief conflict was over with, the five pups all settled somewhere near or on Snowdrop. Nightshade lay close to his mother, his curious smoky gaze wide and intent on his mother.
"I want to hear the rest of the story," he said. A couple of other pups echoed his words, eager as well to hear more.
"Yeah, you never told us how you met dad," said Bracken. More of his siblings yipped in agreement and excitement. Snowdrop shook her head and smiled.
"Alright... I'll finish the story, but after this, it's time for bed," she said. A couple of her pups groaned and whined. It was still early and they weren't tired yet! Why did they have to go to bed so soon after sundown? After a little fussing, they agreed to the little deal and Snowdrop continued with her story.
"Autumn was just getting ready to end and I was still alone. I was starting to think I would have to wait until next autumn to find love and I was worried about how I would make it through the winter alone. It was already the first snow of the year, and I searched the forest for food... I caught the scent of a dead deer and followed it, but by the time I reached it another wolf was already there." The pups perked at this. Another wolf? Who could it possibly be? Snowdrop smiled fondly. "He was strong and had handsome black fur and deep amber eyes... we ended up sharing the deer and getting to know each other, and it turned out he was alone just like I was. So he said—"
"Let's change that," a deeper voice said as a great shadow appeared over the hill. Nightshade immediately hopped up to his paws and ran towards the figure. His father was home! He skidded to a stop in front of his father and bowed playfully before him, his tail wagging furiously. "Hey, kid." The wolf, his father, leaned down to give him a little nudge, then carried on towards Snowdrop. Nightshade trotted after his father.
"You're back early, Inferno," Snowdrop said.
"Was just making sure we had enough marks in place tonight. Didn't run into any trouble, so everything was okay," Inferno said, stretching out his lower body before taking a seat near his mate. He looked over his children, proud to see they were all strong and healthy and managed to survive this far. But it was time for everyone to get their rest, so they had plenty of energy for tomorrow. With Inferno's arrival, the pups begged to stay up just a little longer and so they enjoyed some time with their father before settling inside the den with their mother for the rest of the night.
Nightshade slept soundly and safely, knowing his mother was there to keep him warm and his father just outside to protect their den from any predators.
-x-X-x-
Nightshade had always been an early riser, waking when it was still dusky outside with just the first hints of morning light crawling over the horizon. The small black pup lightly padded his way out of the den. His mother and siblings were all still asleep. It looked like his older siblings from last year's litter were all sleeping too, as was his father. He was all to himself this morning. The thought put a smile on his face as he trotted towards the cliff and stopped to take a seat, being careful to keep a little distance between him and the edge like his parents always warned him. Watching the pinkish hue of early morning slowly bleed into the blue-black of night over the forest, he felt lucky his parents chose this spot to make their den. He got to enjoy this great view every morning.
Pink hues gave way to pastel blue, and soon the orange light of the sun could be seen illuminating the landscape, shining brightly over all the hills. Even from here, he could see the sunlight sparkling on the river below. Nightshade let out a soft sigh, in awe the same as he was the first time he got to see this. He had been enjoying sunrises since he first crawled out of their old den, but down in the forest, it was nothing compared to what he saw up here.
"Good morning, Nightshade," he heard his mother's voice softly say from behind him. He turned to see Snowdrop, standing just a few wolf's lengths away, her eyes drowsy and fur slightly disheveled from the den. She yawned. "Come. It's time for our morning walk." The word instantly got Nightshade up on his paws. He looked back to the sky for a moment, wishing to stay and watch for just a few seconds longer, but followed her back near the den. Snowdrop gathered the rest of the pups. The rest of the pack began to stir around then, a few of the yearlings already awake and ready to begin their day. It was an easy walk through the surrounding forest. Snowdrop brought the pups across their territory but never took them far from the den. She brought them to a small stream and let the pups play and drink there.
Nightshade waded in the shallow waters, splashing about and enjoying the cool feel of the water against the mid-morning heat. It was getting warmer and warmer each day, he was almost beginning to forget the cool mornings of when he first began crawling out of the den. He dipped down and lapped the cold water, only to immediately jolt up when he heard a series of urgent howls in the distance. Snowdrop perked up as well, ears alert and eyes keen as she stared in the direction of the howl. After a few short seconds, she lifted her head and sent a short call of her own. Then she looked to her pups.
"We need to leave, now," she said, before rushing after the source of the call, her pups following shortly after. Except for Nightshade, who stayed back. There was a strange scent near this stream. One he never smelled before. It didn't smell like a wolf, or deer, or any prey. It instantly drew his curiosity and he couldn't help but want to follow the scent, at least a little. So he did. Nose low to the ground, he shuffled along after the trail, sniffing. The trail led him deeper and deeper into the forest. The scent of his pack grew weak. He passed his father's scent marks without even thinking about it, fixated on the intriguing scent and wanting to figure out exactly what that was.
It felt like he'd been walking for ages when he finally discovered the source of the scent. He hid among the bushes, spotting a strange creature foraging for berries. It looked a bit like one of the bears his father described once, with its shaggy brown coat, stocky figure, drooping lips, and long claws, but it was too small. Nothing like the giant monstrosities Nightshade heard about. This animal wasn't even close to the size of his older brothers and sisters, but it was still bigger than he was. A cub? Maybe? Nightshade watched it tentatively for a few moments. After a bit of observation, he decided it was indeed a bear cub. But then the creature stopped and sniffed loudly, chuffing and snorting as it did. It looked towards the bush Nightshade was hiding in, and he froze.
chapters 1 and 2 were originally one very long chapter, but i split them into two parts. since ch2 is pretty much already written, i'll put it up soon after i finish editing, etc. i hope ch1 isn't too boring or anything, it's just setting things up